I never heard of Beach Massacre at Kill Devil Hills. After watching this movie, I realize why I’ve never heard of it. The only reason is because Darcy the Mail Girl (Diana Prince) from The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs mentioned she was in it. I was determined to watch it then.

Released: Sep 12, 2017

Runtime: 99 mins

Director: Lawrence W. Nelson II

Writer: Lawrence W. Nelson II, John Saunders

Actors: Taya Parker, Diana Prince, Christina Schimmel

MY THOUGHTS

As a positive for Beach Massacre at Kill Devil Hills there are a lot of kills, later in the movie. But…..there’s very little blood or gore. Not really even interesting kills. And what irks me the most is Dina’s death. Off screen and we don’t even get to see the aftermath. WTF?!

The acting is not really that great, but not that distracting. It wasn’t too distracting for me. The cast includes: Taya Parker, Diana Prince, Elissa Dowling. Taya Parker (known for Rock of Love with Bret Michaels and Pro Wrestlers vs Zombies) plays Stacy Phelps. Our final girl (?) who just wants to spend the weekend with friends and her daughter away from her, just released from jail, abusive ex-husband.

Diana Prince (also known for being an ex-porn star, The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs, Bunnyman, Weedjies, and several of the later Evil Bong movies) plays Dina Heart, one half of a couple who show up to the cabin that Stacy and her friends are staying at. Elissa Dowling (known for Dread, The Theatre Bizarre, We Are Still Here, Starry Eyes, and a ton of genre movies) plays Samantha, an actress being filmed in the woods.

Samantha, a single mother, decides to have a weekend away with her girlfriends and her daughter to keep her mind off the fact her abusive ex-husband is being released from prison. When all the ladies arrive at the cabin they realize people are there. Samantha’s sister is trying to make a movie there with a couple of actors. So they all make an effort to get along without getting into each other's way.

Meanwhile, Samantha’s ex gets out, with his creepy uncle, they try to find out where Samantha is. Leading them to her parents that finally tell them where she is in a violent way. Back at the island a couple in a boat show up on the shore, asking for help. They appear nice and all but something is not quite right. 

That night, the couple and the friends start playing drinking games that turn bad. As well as the ex and uncle show up to do some damage. It will be a fight for survival. Who will survive?  

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I try to find the positives or something at least a little bit good in a movie. With Beach Massacre at Kill Devil Hills it was really hard to find something good. For me, the best part of the movie was Diana Prince. And she deserved a better ending. For the fans of nudity, there is a long shower scene with Diana Prince. Those are the only positive things I can think of.

For the negatives, the acting isn’t the greatest. Not too bad but just so-so. The plot has too many different stories that are either dropped or are not even needed. The whole ex thing could have been good but the majority of the movie you don’t even see him. Then add the sister making a movie that is quickly dropped. Again, that time could have been spent getting to know the friends so we care about them before they die.

My biggest issue with this movie is the editing and the sound. It’s so bad. The editing was so bad. You literally could tell when they were splicing scenes. It was so jarring and it irritated me to no end. Then add the sound. The music was either too loud or too low. Then add the volume when the actors were talking. I would have to turn the volume up so loud just to hear.

The negatives are like a perfect storm. With each issue on its own the movie could still be good, but with all mixed together, it makes Beach Massacre at Kill Devil Hills a bad movie. I don’t recommend watching this unless you like Diana Prince. She’s the best part of the movie. There are so many better slasher movies out there.

And now for your Forever Final Girl Exclusive…Did you know?:

• The film mistakenly states that Del Toro directed the Hobbit movies.

• Beach Massacre at Kill Devil Hills is a remake from a 2012 TV short called You Found Me. Both were written and directed by Lawrence W. Nelson II. 

Let’s get into the rankings:

Kills/Blood/Gore: 1/5

Sex/Nudity: 2.5/5

Scare factor: 1/5

Enjoyment factor: 2/5

My Rank: 1.6/5

IMDB: 2.6/10

Rotten Tomatoes: critics: –/10  audience:  –/10

Letterboxd: –/5