Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre
Oh boy am I a glutton for punishment! I knew when I planned on watching shark movies that there were going to be some bad ones. I just didn’t know to what extent. The story was different, but the acting was bad. And I like Traci Lords, but she wasn’t in it enough to save the movie.
Photo Credit: Cinetel Films
Released: May 3, 2016
Runtime: 84 mins
Director: Jim Wynorski
Writer: Jim Wynorski, William Dever, Corey Landis
Actors: Dominique Swain, Traci Lords, Christine Nguyen
PLOT
A fracking company unknowingly lets lose some prehistoric sharks that target a group of women prisoners out on work detail.
MY THOUGHTS
Crap on a Cracker!--Honey
Alright, time to get into the kills in Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre. There are nine kills (and no I’m not counting the body in pieces that the cops found). Before I get into basically everything with this movie, I have to say the CGI was so bad. And not so bad it's a good kind of CGI. The only death that stands out is when Orville dies. He makes a comment about being happy when he sees the light of day, then BAM, he gets eaten by a shark! (A cheaper version of Samuel L. Jackson’s death in Deep Blue Sea).
Do I really need to talk about the acting? It’s pretty cheesy. I was excited to see Traci Lords was in Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre, but she wasn’t in the movie enough. And she has some bad dialogue.
In the beginning of Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre we see explosions from fracking in mines. Then we see two workers getting stuck in the swamp get attacked by this prehistoric looking shark. As this is going on there are five beautiful women prisoners getting into a van with two guards. They are sent into the woods to dig up stumps. Mind you, these girls are in white, tank tops and short denim shorts.
One of the girls cuts herself and goes to some water to clean off the wound. The shark shows up and eats her. I mean she doesn’t even try to get away. Not even a scream to warn the others. They all look for her but all they find is a bloody shirt and a lot of blood against the tree she was standing next to.
As the remaining group head back to the prison they stop when they see a woman in need after what looks like an accident. Nope. It’s just Honey, a girlfriend of one of the prisoners. She takes them hostage and they end up at some random cabin in the woods. While they try to figure out what to do, one of the prisoners goes outside to smoke and is attacked by the shark. The shark bites off her leg and she somehow drags herself back to the cabin where she bleeds out.
They find her body, and a shark tooth in it. At this point, two geologists show up and explain their theory about an ocean under the US and with the fracking, sharks escaping and attacking people. They all decide to leave but the shark returns with more sharks, disabling the van so they can’t escape that way.
The geologist see’s a nearby cave and suggests they try to escape through the caverns because it’s solid rock and the sharks can’t get to them. They make a run for it but the older geologist falls and twists his ankle so the younger one sacrifices himself to save him. They get in there and finally make their way to what looks like an opening. They must first go through some water to get to the exit.
They find a raft but somehow sharks get in and kill the geologist. Then when almost everyone is across the water, Honey’s girlfriend decides to try to shoot the guard only to end up shooting and killing one of the other prisoners. Also, shooting in the raft causes her to fall in the water and we see she gets eaten as well. We don’t see what happens to Honey, but we’re supposed to assume she dies too.
The guard and one prisoner get out alive. He feels like she deserves a second chance so he lets her go before the detectives show up. Now the detectives show up at random places not having a clue at what is going on.
This movie was disappointing. It’s not the worst SyFy movie, but it wasn’t that great. It’ll pass the time but if it wasn’t for Traci Lords, I wouldn’t have watched it. And she wasn’t in it much. She doesn’t even die. She plays a detective. If you like cheesy movies that are bad, and bad CGI then watch it. I wouldn’t watch it again.
And now for your Forever Final Girl Exclusive…Did you know?:
In the opening sequence, the prison van and the fracking company truck have the same license plate G/F AAA.
It’s set in Arkansas but you can see license plates on the detective's car and other vehicles that are Florida license plates.
Check out my other reviews here: Forever Final Girl
Let’s get into the rankings:
Kills/Blood/Gore: 2/5
Sex/Nudity: 0/5
Scare factor: 2/5
Enjoyment factor: 3/5
My Rank: 2.3/5
IMDB: 3.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes: critics: –/10 audience: 2.6/10
Letterboxd: 1.7/5